Moderator: Good morning, Mrs. DeLeon.

Paisley: Paisley. Just call me Paisley.

M: Well, then, good morning, Paisley.

P: Yeah, I guess so, I mean - sure. Thanks for having me, by the way.

M: We're delighted. You're a very popular lady since the book came out. We're happy your agent convinced you to stay for this interview. I'm just sorry we missed Mr. Paisley. By the way, is that a coincidence – the name being so similar and all? Are you and your writing partner, Leonard Paisley, related?

P: Yeah, we're cousins – sort of.

M: Kissin' cousins? (laughter)

P: Oh, for Pete's ... Can we get back to the book?

M: Ahem, of course. Where do you and Leonard get the ideas for your stories, Paisley? Some of them seem pretty rough for a little southern gal like yourself. Leonard must be some kind of man! I bet he's the one with all the experience. He must be really strong and tough – not to mention handsome. The women in these novels seem to adore him.

P: Oh, gawd. (resigned sigh) Yes, he's tough. Yes, he's strong. Yes, he's handsome, and he's had more affairs than a New York gigolo. Satisfied? Now, can we get back to the damned book and quit yapping about Leonard?

M: I'm sorry, but your charming mother gave me the impression that you and Leonard were very close – in fact she suggested that you two were intimate.

P: Look, my "charming mother" hates Leonard. She would do anything to separate us; but I got news for you, it ain't gonna happen – not for twelve more books, anyway.

M: Then let's talk about your daughter Cassandra, shall we?

P: I thought we were here to discuss the book, but if you insist on getting off the subject – what do you want to know about Cassie?

M: My producer, Andy, tells me she is quite beautiful.

P: Yes, she is. And you can tell that sleazy little lizard.... Well, no, Cassie's old enough to take care of herself. After all, she'll be graduating from Emory University in a couple of years.

M: And what is her major? A pretty girl like that, I bet she's aiming for an "M.R.S."?

P: Are you for real?

M: Excuse me. (Andy! Turn up the air in the studio! It's getting hot in here!)

P: You wouldn't be so hot and uncomfortable if you didn't wear those ridiculous clothes. You're squeezed into that tight leather skirt like toothpaste, and those heels must be three inches high. I gave all that nonsense up when I moved back to Meadowdale Farm. Nothing but jeans for me from now on – and sometimes a linen jacket like this one for interviews and stuff. And gooey, pasty makeup, forget it! Take those eyelashes of yours for instance - they look like two catatonic caterpillars. Makes me shudder just to think about having that all crap on my face.

M: (Andy! Bring me one of those little white pills from my desk drawer! Now, dammit!)

P: I hope it wasn't something I said.

M: Mrs. DeLeon....

P: Paisley.

M: PAISLEY, DO YOU MIND IF WE GET BACK TO YOUR WRITING?

P: No, of course, not. That's why I'm here. My agent, Pam, made me come for one more interview.

M: Ahem. Pamela Winslow is a very well know agent in New York. How did you two meet?

P: You mean, how did a little country bumpkin like me get to be friends with a sophisticated, name-dropping, clotheshorse like Pam? We were college roommates. And after my husband ... When I escaped from San Romero with Cassie, she took us in. She's then one who convinced me to write in the first place. Those first books, the "Bartholomew, the Blue-Eyed Cricket Series, were our bread and butter for ten years.

M: What happened? Why did you stop writing them?

P: The kiddies got tired of me. They got computers. Started hacking into the local credit bureau and screwing with the Pentagon's security codes. They were bored with crickets and their mousey friends. That's when I invented the rough and tough writing persona of 'Leonard Paisley'.

M: Invented? What do you mean by that?

P: Ahhh, I mean - that's when Leonard and I started collaborating.

M: And your husband? I assume there is a Mr. DeLeon."

P: Can't we leave Rafe out of this?

M: Mmm, touched upon a tender spot, have we?

P: Look, I hate to run when we having sooo much fun, but ...

M: My producer tells me your husband was instrumental in the attempted overthrow of the government of San Romero. And it was that attempted coup d'etat that caused you to flee the country.

P: Who the hell do you think you are to talk to me that way? Raphael Alberto DeLeon was ... he was my husband and Cassie's father. That's all you need to know.

M: Then he wasn't a guerilla fighter who later escaped into the jungle to avoid persecution when the coup d'etat failed?

P: Can't say this hasn't been a blast, lady, but it's really time for me to leave before I knock your silly bleached blonde haystack of a head off.

M: I certainly hope you don't expect me to recommend your books!

P: I hope you don't! Anybody who would take your word for it is too stupid to read my books in the first place.

M: Your mother is a lovely and very elegant woman. She must be mortified to have you for a daughter!

P: Sometimes, lady, sometimes; but she's slowly coming to her senses. Too bad you can't make that journey!

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